His mother could not have asked for a more elegant tribute to Saúl.
On Saturday, December 7--just over a month after police showed up at Rosa Nazar's Bronx apartment--a memorial service was held at Fort Washington Collegiate Church for her 27-year old son, Saúl. The circumstances of his life--and death--inspired total strangers to contribute more than $10,000 to insure Rosa could bury him. People donated whatever they could afford to the grieving mom's GoFundMe campaign:
a $5 dollar donation from some, $20 from others. Some donors pledged more.
All made a difference.
Rosa's son, Saúl Antonio Nunez Nazar, was discovered dead of apparent suicide near the first goal post at Van Cortlandt Park's soccer field early Sunday morning, November 3rd. One man who came upon the scene said it looked like Saul died in a "praying position".
During a powerful eulogy, Saul's mother talked about the mental illness that tormented him. She believes early signs of schizophrenia were evident years ago.
"When my son was in pre-K, he was hiding in the bathroom," Rosa remembered. "He said, 'Mommy, I was scared.' He said, 'There is a 3-headed dog that wants to bite me.'"
At the time, teachers and even Saúl's mother thought the fears were tied to a boy's anxiety at school. But the delusions got worse in Saúl's teen years.
"I can only describe his illness as someone who has a split brain," Rosa said, "and sometimes, the pieces are in different time zones."
Saúl's schizophrenia was diagnosed at age 19, shortly after he made news headlines for hitting a 91 year old man in the head with a cane. Saúl later told his mother he thought he could "suck devils out of the sky" with the cane. The elderly man, Juan Llorens, required stitches on his left ear but didn't want Saúl behind bars for Assault in the First Degree. Saúl's mother couldn't post $75,000 bail, so her youngest son sat on Rikers for more than two years....a total of 29 months.
Saúl's memorial service tried to make up, just a bit, for the sadness he suffered in life.
The Board Chair of Fort Washington Collegiate Church, Lisa Kline, had written to me after my first article about Saúl's death, asking to connect with the young man's mother.
"I'd like to donate space for her services, so she can properly celebrate her son's life,"
Kline wrote.
The church is a beautiful spot on West 181 Street in Washington Heights in upper Manhattan. The "Country Gothic"-style building was built in 1908. The sanctuary has wood-paneled ceilings and Tiffany glass windows. The setting was peaceful and soothing.
And to the piano strains of "Over the Rainbow," musician and singer Liz Tobias set the tone for Saúl's service, performing a classic song about a young person's hopes and aspirations.
“Over the Rainbow,” performed by Liz Tobias.
The pastor, A. David Anglada, spoke in English and Spanish, a sign of respect for Saúl's mother, aunts, and uncles, who were born in the Dominican Republic. Saúl's extended family sat with his mom in the first, few rows of the church.
"I am sure that God accompanied Saúl during his challenges in life," Pastor Anglada said.
About fifty people from different periods in Saúl's journey gathered in the sanctuary, and some shared their memories of the young man from the podium.
Tony Cruz, a retired NYPD Lieutenant, recalled his children growing up in the Bronx with Saúl and how he once gave a ride to young Saúl on his ATV, an all-terrain vehicle.
"It's just a shame he was struck by his disease," Cruz said.
Joseph Rusto grew emotional as he spoke of meeting Saúl in their Riverdale apartment building in recent years, offering to go on evening walks with him.
"I knew there was something amiss, but he didn't say what it was," Rusto shared.
He remembered Saúl smoking a lot and carrying the cigarette butts in a water bottle, because he didn't want to throw them on the street.
"Then one night we're walking," Joseph Rusto told the congregation, "and he says, 'I'm schizophrenic.'"
Rusto broke into tears as he described learning of Saúl's death.
"When I found out what happened to him, I almost collapsed," Rusto cried.
Michelle Odinma, Pastor of Community Life at Church of the Advent Hope on West 87th Street, said she had the privilege of baptizing Saúl at the Seventh Day Adventist center. She recalled Saúl would sometimes call her for advice.
"He would always get down on himself for not reaching a standard he wanted to reach," Odinma told the congregation.
Frank Chiechi said he was Saúl's 'prayer partner' at the West 87th Street church and understood the young man's struggle with his mental health.
"I myself was diagnosed as bipolar," Chiechi revealed.
Chiechi then talked about studying for his Master's degree in Public Health and getting a job at Zucker Hillside Hospital in the mental health units there. Some of his clients talked of having thoughts "going a thousand miles per hour."
One of the songs played at Saúl's memorial was written by Don McLean.
Called "Vincent", the 1972 hit was one of the rare instances back then when someone was starting a public discussion about mental illness. The song was an ode to famed Dutch artist Vincent Van Gogh, who struggled with bipolar disorder and died by suicide. Don McLean was inspired by one of Van Gogh's masterpieces, "Starry Night."
Vincent Van Gogh: Self Portrait “Starry Night” by Vincent Van Gogh
Saúl's family had started to get deeply concerned in the last year when he started fasting. The young man's uncle,Nelson Navarro, spoke about it.
"He felt the fasting would help him get closer to God," Navarro said.
The uncle then quoted from a famous biblical verse, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?
"The next day, he broke the fast," Saúl's uncle said.
Saul's mother said her son always wanted to talk about Jesus Christ, and she told him that not everyone he encountered would want to do so.
"He was living the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, because of all the things he was feeling," Rosa said. "I talked to him about resurrection."
Rosa said her son's death and connection with Lisa Kline at Fort Washington Collegiate Church has led her on a new, spiritual journey she calls a "celestial arrangement."
Never religious in the past, Rosa now finds herself drawn to Fort Washington Collegiate Church every weekend for a service.
The mother had already told me about the song she unexpectedly heard on her radio, not long after Saúl's death. Turns out the same song appears on the church's website. Called "Let's Celebrate," Liz Tobias sang the joyful hymn at the memorial service, as all who attended hoped it was a sign that Saúl has finally found peace.
“Let’s Celebrate,” performed by Liz Tobias.
Thank you Mary Murphy for always shearing the truth of Saúl. It was a beautiful Service and good Truthful memories sheared. He will always be loved and remembered. Thank you all from Uncle Aquiles Nazar.
Saul was a creature of God , he loved Jesus , very smart and loved Spanish .
I am her aunt Maria Amelia Nazar
I will always miss him
Yes kindness does exits; there is hope for humanity. Thanks to all of you and specially to Mary Murphy and Lisa Kline who were essential parts of the celestial arrangement for Saul and I to have these unforgettable elegant celebration of life. Thanks again to all for your support.